Dharma Rain Character

Still Point

Newsletter of Dharma Rain Zen Center

Portland, Oregon

Volume XXVIII Number 1

January-February 2003

 


 


By Lay Disciples and Members of the Dharma Rain Zen Center

On November 22, five members took vows of lay discipleship:Yafé, now Kenryu ("noble, upright"); Mikio, now Daicho ("great beyond"); Eric, now Hongaku ("root awakening"); David, now Choten ("hears heaven"); and Deb, now Seido ("clear path"). All the lay disciples share a "family name" - Keido ("bright hall") - taken from one of our temple founders, Keido Chisan. They have made a commitment not only to accept intimate direction from a particular teacher, but to take responsibility for the health, welfare and future of this temple and this lineage. Below, are some photos taken after the ceremony. (To look at a larger image, click on any photo.)

We asked people to describe how they view lay discipleship both personally and in relationship to the sangha, whether they have taken this step or not:

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It's the path of no return: the commitment to live your life in harmony with your practice. Some people need a closer relationship with a teacher in order to do this. As soon as I became a lay disciple my life changed. You hold a microscope up to your life and start really looking at it. You can't go back, no matter how unpleasant it may be. - Kei'un

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I waited three years before I took the precepts. I waited three years again before I became a lay disciple. Nothing really exciting happened during those six years. But I know how I see people is very different now. I am much less intimidated by them. Even when I am angry at somebody's action, part of me catches the beauty of vulnerability emanating from her/him, not always, but most of the time. I am grateful for this subtle change in me. - Daicho

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When asked what being a lay disciple means to me, I was (am) overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the work that has been (is being) done by my (our) teachers and those teachers before them who have (are) working tirelessly for the sake of all beings (us). For those decisions that were made when the correct move may not have been crystal clear. Knowing that what has been created and what is being created will outlast all of us. Also, I feel some pride in being privileged to be a part of it. I feel this most strongly when a new person comes through the doors of Dharma Rain and I see the sparkle in their eyes that we are all not lucky enough to experience and I feel the sparkle in my own. - Nin'yu

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I want to do it, want more information about what it is. Everything keeps coming back to what I can do to further my practice, and appreciating the things that make me sit up and notice -- 'bad' as well as 'good' things. I find myself wanting help - yes, 'I can do it myself,' but we all are interrelated. It no longer seems as important to maintain that separateness as it once did. What is the commitment - who will fulfill that commitment? Fantasy: lay disciples come and go, but I would stick with it. I experience feelings of love and gratitude for my teacher, but also fear: What if that relationship changes or turns out to be lacking? Change is constant, so I try to make decisions based on now, and on wholeheartedly embracing the way. Relationship to the Sangha? Oops, what's up with that? - Kyri

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I asked to be a lay disciple because I trusted Gyokuko to see through my bullshit. You could say I viewed it as an apprenticeship in being forthright and real. To the extent lay discipleship means commitment solely to this particular sangha's "tradition" or "lineage," I am not truly a lay disciple. I'm just not built that way. But the sweetness of each breath I take, even in the darkest sigh, I owe to this sangha and Gyokuko's patient, firm & loving care and I will always be her grateful apprentice. - Mugaku

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I see the lay disciples as having the commitment, courage and devotion to move upward to another level of practice. I feel very fortunate to have such a devoted sangha so close to home and heart. - J.D.

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To me, lay discipleship had to do with trusting someone and saying that I would trust them. Making a commitment to being myself with someone else was important. This hasn't always come easy. Initially, I projected a lot onto Kyogen (idealistically, emotionally) as well as onto Gyokuko, but now I believe I do that with them about as much as with anyone else. Being a lay disciple is about finding a connection with the form of Zen Buddhism at DRZC, and about who will be responsible to continue this amorphous thing called practice into the future. Most of the time, it is where the karmic stream flows. For example, the frogs in the back yard at the Zen Center have been there every year since their tadpole stage several years ago. One can think deeply about how they got there, why they are there, what a frog is, do they scare the boy next door, are frogs the end all and be all - but truthfully, who really knows why we do what we do? Those frogs are just in the back yard making a bunch of noise and being frogs. - Sosetsu

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Regardless of my level of involvement with the sangha and the competing demands of the rest of my life (all of which continue to change greatly over time), there is an undying place that is my lay discipleship and connection to teacher and teachings. As a lay disciple, I feel all the shifting sands, but there is also ground where I am planted. Exploring that ground, growing from it, and replenishing the soil is the work of a lifetime. - Kosen

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Each year, one of the disciples takes the seat of shuso, also called head trainee or chief junior. Over the course of the year, that person leads all those in the zendo and runs retreats. They serve as the 'chief' among 'juniors,' so it is a position both high and low, and a difficult challenge.

This character (in the calligraphy on the right) symbolizes the phenomenon of being shuso (chief junior) for me: "a new road ahead." A Chinese proverb says, "At first, there is no road. It is only when one person begins it that others can see it." With time, our view of the road broadens and becomes more inclusive and connected. Who knows what will intrigue, inspire and challenge us along the way? Our sangha is strong and committed. In gratitude to everyone playing your part to deepen practice and serve the community - Sokyo

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I knew when I first came to DRZC that what I needed was a teacher. I wasn't really clear on just what that meant, but I knew that I couldn't do this alone. I think what I wanted was someone to show me the way, to guide me and to protect me from whatever obstacles there were on this path. Fortunately, my teacher has done little of that. Besides setting an example of what practice can look like, he has with compassion and selflessness, helped me to find and trust my own path and to see that my only real obstacle is myself. - Kisei

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At the Rohatsu sesshin in 1991, at Cloud Mountain retreat center, I agonized over whether to ask to be a lay disciple. How could such an enormous, complex commitment come forth from my small and muddy practice? As I walked to the dining hall, a huge heron launched himself up into the sky from the tiny pond near the footpath. I had my answer. - Homitsu

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I was the first student to take the precepts with my teacher Zuiko Redding after she received transmission and became the resident priest at Iowa City Zen Center. In the traditions of Tsugen Narasaki and Dainin Katagiri that Zuiko was trained in, the student takes the teacher and precepts at the same time without an intermediate phase between the two. Zuiko didn't want the sangha to see a hierarchical difference between being a disciple and not being a disciple, so she showed discipline and practice in the same way as Dainin and his teacher, by dedicating herself to her everyday routine. In our sangha, there were disciples of Katagiri, Nonin Chonwaney, Shohaku Okumura, and Zuiko, so you can see how elbows might begin to rub if anyone were to be seen as closer to the resident priest than others! Even so, I felt and feel a strong bond to my teacher. She knew I would most likely be leaving Iowa, and she entrusted me with keeping the precepts and discipleship in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha to the best of my ability anyway. I could have waited to take the precepts and a teacher until I was "settled," but we don't always know when we will have to move. I had (and have) deep trust in Zuiko's practice - enough to commit to it. Zuiko didn't see it as a conflict to become a lay disciple when I would only be in Iowa City another year, because my next teacher could point me to the practice just as well as she could. When my wife and I were getting ready to move to Portland after graduating from the University of Iowa, Zuiko gave me a stack of Still Point newsletters and said with finality, "Maybe this would be a good place to sit." - Myodo

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When I became a Lay Buddhist, I promised to follow the precepts and seek liberation for the sake of myself and others. When I became a lay disciple, I asked my teacher to guide me in that effort, and made a commitment to her that I would maintain a practice relationship with her even when it became difficult or confusing. I gave her permission to "interfere" in my affairs where keeping the precepts was concerned, and to seriously consider her advice about other aspects of practice. When I became a monk, I simply expanded the domain in which I gave my teacher permission to "interfere," and asked her to guide my daily conduct in accord with our lineage tradition. - Domyo

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When it comes to relationships, I have a pattern of diving in quickly and deeply. I rush to the front of the room: "Pick me!" I might bump something and maybe there'll be a crash or an awkward pause. The pattern was no different when I asked to be a lay disciple after only two years of regular attendance, not sure whether I would continue living in Portland. Once I was in - i.e., safe - the real relationship began. I had a lot of crap to work through. Kyogen has been my Buddha, my father figure healing the wounds of previous father figures, my mediator, my teacher, just another human who makes mistakes, and my friend. He is inside me, in my heart in places only lovers have dwelt, and maybe he's in places they can't go. (Writing this is making me cry.) More recently, I have struggled with the changing nature of my relationship with Kyogen. We've now been together longer than I was ever voluntarily committed to anybody else. My need nurtured the relationship, so now, what does? Faith that he trusts me, my trust in him, and my love for him. I don't need to talk to him as often because he is in my heart. The dharma is the deep thread that runs through this entire experience. Before I entered this relationship, I may have had an intellectual understanding of it, but I didn't have a chance to really know the dharma until I entered this relationship. - Enji

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In the first years at Dharma Rain, it seemed that the thing to do was to work hard and wait for the mysterious Buddha Nature to be conferred. However, waiting to be chosen didn't pan out and I finally saw that I had to step forward with courage. Really. Repeatedly. Elated by finally straightening out a few big knots, I invited many friends to the ordination ceremony at the Zen Center. It was a really long one - there were ten of us - and one of my friends fell asleep and snored and it was still grand! Of course there were more big knots and some are still not untied, but there is a boundless heart within the relationships, the formality and discipline of our lineage practice. It is a good life. - Bukkai

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Bathing in moonlight
I see clearly through branches
newly free of leaves

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If in can remember moonlight
then the thought of transformation
     is not so scary
If I can remember leaves dancing
      in their finest colors
      shouting their new
        freedom
     to the skies
     with no fear of coming
        dissolution
        to become something
             new
             unknown
then I can settle back down
     to the earth
     rest in darkness
and wait
     peacefully
     for spring

-Sylvan

 

 

 


by Various seminary students

Seminary students have been studying the Lotus Sutra, which is chock- full of bodhisattvas with names like Precious Stick, Scented Elephant, and Great Power Obtained. Below is a collaborative list of possible bodhisattva names (along with some suggested, more up-to-date, iconography) for the struggling modern trainee:

Bodhisattva Formerly Petty
Bodhisattva Still Improving
Bodhisattva What Am I Missing?
Bodhisattva Good Enough
Bodhisattva Slogging Through Karma
Bodhisattva I Da Man
Bodhisattva Little Tiny Herb
Bodhisattva Comic Interlude
Bodhisattva Late for Lunch


Bodhisattva Identity Issues
Bodhisattva Low Self-Esteem
Bodhisattva Obsessive-Compulsive
Bodhisattva Ever-Doubtful
Bodhisattva Prone to Arguments
Bodhisattva Maybe Next Time
Bodhisattva Mood Swings
Bodhisattva Kwitcherbitchin'

Bodhisattva Tastes Great, Less Filling
Bodhisattva Mildly Depressed
Bodhisattva Cubic Zirconium
Bodhisattva Chronic Fatigue
Bodhisattva Impulse Control
Bodhisattva Mid-Life Crisis
Bodhisattva Information Overload
Bodhisattva Old Curmudgeon

 

 

 

 

 

14 November 2002

Present: Gyokuko Carlson, Kyogen Carlson, Jeanette Ryan, Shintai Dungay, Gary Oshiro, Dosho VanSant, Kisei Martin, Erin Luthy Ko'in Newsom, Joe Niski.

1) Approval of Minutes from Sept. 26 and Oct. 20 The Sept.26 minutes were approved as written.

2) Member concerns None were brought forward.

3) Treasurer's report As of the end of September, we're roughly $31,000 in the red. The reasons are the same: increased maintenance, licenses and fees. We still have just over $61,000 in the bank between our various accounts. Although income may pick up at the end of the year, we'll close somewhat in the red. We're changing vendors for our direct-deposit service. The new service is both less expensive and more flexible. Transferring existing accounts should be easy, and DRZC treasury staff can enter members' information on-line, as well as getting statements on-line. Year-end fundraising: Kyogen and Gyokuko have designed a lovely card that should be ready to go to the printer next week. Kyogen will write a brief letter to be included.

4) Operations We received notification from the City that all our appeals were accepted. The next step is obtaining the necessary permits, roughly $600. Outside contractors will be required for certain jobs, such as heating. Good news is that outside stairway and sprinkler system will not be required! Sangha House kitchen: we may be slightly over the budget, in the $3200-3300 range. After assessing how much has actually been spent, Gyokuko suggested increasing the total budget to $3500. A motion to do so passed unanimously. Major landscaping changes have happened at the Sangha House. A temporary fix to the zendo roof is in place. Gyokuko is beginning to look for bids for a new roof, and is interested in considering an eco-roof.. Zendo boiler system: We're waiting to hear whether the condensate tank can be repaired or will need to be replaced, and we're waiting on a cost estimate. The company that installed the new boiler is looking at the job.

5) Quit Claim update The Board voted unanimously to file a quit claim to transfer the Dharma House ownership from the Carlsons to the Sangha, so that the Carlsons are not liable for property taxes. Kyogen is working on an appeal to the county tax folks to remove the tax liability. Also, the deed/title to the zendo was never recorded in DRZC's name, because it was purchased on a private contract. A warranty deed has been sent to the VFW for signature. When returned, it will be recorded with the county.

6) Election of new Board members For three positions: Dosho VanSant, Sylvan Rainwater, Eric Leatha, and Kei'un Clardy.

7) Articles of Incorporation and By-laws The Board is to review the articles and by-laws to address some of the issues raised in recent meetings. We may form a sub-committee to bring specific suggestions to the full Board.

8) Retreat Scholarships There is currently no formal scholarship fund for members, although there is for monks. Between the Carlsons, our ordained monks, and shusso, Great Vow is already providing for five retreat participants. Jeanette floated the idea of adding an additional amount to retreat fees dedicated to a scholarship fund. Trying to manage the cash-flow and accounting for scholarships quickly became very complicated. A motion to offer two full scholarships for each retreat (both in- and out-of-town) was passed unanimously.

NEXT MEETING: Thursday, January 23rd, 7pm, Sangha House.

 

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STILL POINT archive edit of 29 April 2003
Dharma Rain Zen Center Newsletter
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Volume XXVIII Number 1 January-February 2003
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